The Art of Calming the Heart and Making Peace with the Process

There is one psychological phenomenon that many young women experience today, especially those who are growing up in silence: silent pressure of comparison. A subtle pressure that doesn’t scream, but slowly eats away at the feeling. This pressure comes when we open social media and find other people’s lives seem much more established, brighter, more successful, as if they are more “successful” than our lives which feel like they are still like this.

In social psychology, this condition is known as upward comparison: the tendency to compare oneself with those who appear to have higher achievements. Academically, this phenomenon is normal and natural. However, for a Muslim woman, these feelings are often mixed with deeper emotional layers: guilt for feeling left behind, anxiety for not meeting the expectations of the family or environment, even fear that this delay is a sign that Allah has not turned to us.

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In fact, Islam never asks us to be the fastest, most perfect, or most brilliant. Islam teaches calm in the process, not anxiety in the race.

The Prophet said: “Indeed, Allah does not look at your appearance and wealth, but He looks at your heart and your deeds.” (HR. Muslim)

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This hadith is in line with the concept meaningful life in modern psychology: happiness is not born from how quickly we arrive, but from how meaningful the journey we are on. Then the question: Have we made peace with the process that God chose specifically for us?

We live in an age when almost every achievement is announced. Graduations are uploaded, achievements are showcased, careers are shared, victories are celebrated in front of thousands of eyes. While our process—failures swallowed silently, tears hidden, efforts no one knows about—goes on in deep silence.

So it’s natural for your heart to feel dim when you see someone else’s light so bright. However, not all light has to be visible. There are people who appear ordinary in the eyes of the world, but are great in the eyes of God. There are steps that are small but full of sincerity, the value is much heavier than big achievements that are empty of blessings.

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True light is not just what dazzles human eyes, but what warms our chests and reminds us of the Creator. Allah says:“And do not broaden your view of the pleasures that We have given to some groups among them.” (QS. Thaha: 131)

This verse not only prohibits envy, but also teaches spiritual maturity: do not use other people’s lives as an indicator of your own worth. Each person’s time is set differently. Something is being accelerated so that it can be a help to many people. Some are slowed down so that their souls mature first. There are those whose paths turn round because God wants them to learn something that other people don’t learn.

We don’t start from the same starting line, and we don’t go to the same end point. So it is natural that every human being has their own path. Allah never gives the wrong story or time.

Making peace with yourself does not mean giving up on circumstances or stopping dreaming. Rather, peace is the spiritual ability to recognize that our processes are worthy of respect—by others, and especially by ourselves. Allah says: “Whoever fears Allah, surely He will provide a way out for him and provide him with sustenance from unexpected directions.” (QS. At-Talaq: 2–3)

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This verse emphasizes that what Allah asks is not speed, but piety. Not spectacular results, but consistent effort. If we keep going, even if slowly, Allah will open a path we never expected. Often, our biggest enemy is not the world outside us, but the voice inside our head:

“How come you are slow?”
“How come you don’t have anything yet?”
“Why hasn’t it been successful yet?”
“Why haven’t you worked even though you already have a degree?”
“How come it’s not as far as the others?”
Yet Allah is Forgiving. So why is it so difficult for us to forgive ourselves?

Ibn ‘Atha’illah in Al-Hikam write: “Don’t feel like it’s too late to get something, because Allah is never late in giving.” Forgiving yourself for failures, mistakes and delays is a form of submission. We acknowledge that we are human, and humans are created to grow, not to be perfect.

In the middle of culture show off which is increasingly rampant, calm is an expensive worship. We can choose to be breathless runners, or meaningful walkers. And the second option, although quiet, is much more peaceful. Remember, accomplishments aren’t always big, publicly visible awards. Achievement can also be: persisting even though you want to give up, not being jealous even though your heart hurts, getting up without applause, remaining good even though you are underestimated. These achievements are not viral, but Allah sees them all without forgetting.

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Other people’s lives may appear bright. Our lives may feel dim. But dim doesn’t mean it’s worthless. Even a small light can dispel the darkness in someone’s heart. So keep walking, even if slowly. No problem. Because Allah does not judge who arrives fastest, but rather who is the most sincere in his steps.

Writer: Wan Nurlaila Putri
Editor: Rara Zarary