The Central Role of Mothers in Building Leadership and Family Psychology

Among His signs (of His greatness) is that He created partners for you from your own (kind) so that you feel at ease with them. He created among you feelings of love and compassion. Indeed, in that there are truly signs (of Allah’s greatness) for a people who think. (Ar-Rum/30:21)

Home is not just a place of shelter; it is the inner space where the soul rests, where each family member anchors a sense of security and love. In Islamic tradition, a house is called sakan—rooted with the word bodywhich means calm. So, home is actually a place of tranquility (litaskunu ilaiha). However, often the house becomes the noisiest room, not by outside noise, but by sounds that come from inside—screams, complaints, or high notes that without realizing it create a small storm in children’s hearts.

Mother as Head of House

The man is the shepherd in his family and is responsible for his flock, and the woman is the shepherd in her husband’s house and is responsible for the flock.

A husband is a leader and will be held responsible for his family. A wife is the leader in her husband’s household affairs, and will be held responsible for the household affairs(HR Bukhari)

The phrase “Mother is the master of the house” is a reflection of the psychological and spiritual reality, mothers have the strongest emotional influence on the atmosphere of the house. When mother is calm, the house vibrates in the same frequency full of shade. However, when a mother is angry, that emotional energy spreads to all family members, especially children.

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A mother might say in a high-pitched voice to a father: “The gas is out!” That tone was born out of his own needs—wanting it to be resolved quickly—without thinking about the emotional needs of the person he was talking to. He speaks to relieve burdens, not to communicate. So, it is not a solution that comes, but tension. From small things like this, the house loses bodyhe.

In family communication psychology, tone of voice Mother in the morning sets the emotional rhythm throughout the day. If the morning starts with a gentle reprimand and thanksgiving, the hormones oxytocin and serotonin increase, creating an optimistic atmosphere for children and partners. On the other hand, when the morning opens with a bang, the body responds by producing cortisol (stress hormone) which has an impact on the child’s nervous system.

When a Child’s Amygdala Rises

Children are the most sensitive creatures to the emotional atmosphere at home. In neuropsychology, a part of the brain called the amygdala functions to recognize threats and regulate emotional responses. When the mother is angry or screams, the child’s amygdala is immediately activated, his body is alert, his breathing is rapid, and cortisol (stress hormone) soars.

In such conditions, the child faces two instinctive choices: fight (against) or flight (avoid/leave). If he chooses to fight, we will call him a “stubborn child”. If he chooses to leave, we call him a “quiet child”. In fact, both are survival reactions to an unsettled emotional atmosphere. When this situation continues to repeat itself, the child loses the safe space (safe space) At home. He will look for peace outside—in friends, gadgets, or cyberspace because home is no longer a place for his soul to rest.

Every family has love map which is unique. Mom feels loved when dad is neat and cares about details; Dads feel loved when they are appreciated and trusted. Conflict arises when these “love languages” are not mutually intelligible. A perfectionist mother can get upset just because a towel is placed carelessly. To father, it was trivial; to the mother, it was a symbol of disorder. From small things like that, sparks of emotional conflict can become embers.

In fact, the history of every relationship always holds a mystery, to quote one of our teachers, “That’s how history works, it always leaves a little mystery so that we keep looking for it.” Family relationships are the same, they require a continuous search for the meaning of mutual understanding, not demanding each other.

Mother’s Love and Child’s Love

We often repeat the old adage, “Mother’s love throughout the ages, love of children throughout the ages.” This expression seems to emphasize that children’s love is shorter, limited. In fact, in Islam, the love of children continues until the end of their parents’ lives. The prayers of pious children who continue to flow after their parents die are proof that children’s love does not stop in this world. The Messenger of Allah said, “When a child of Adam dies, his deeds are cut off except for three things: charity, useful knowledge, and pious children who pray for him.” Child love, thus, is love that transcends the boundaries of space and time.

There are times when a mother’s sensitivity becomes a trap. For example, when a child asks innocently, “Mother, what is ML?” Mothers who panic easily may think far away – worried, suspicious, even afraid that their child will be exposed to adult things too early. In fact, if he had been calm and asked back gently, “Why, son?”, perhaps the answer would have been simple: “The teacher told me to bring 250 ML of water tomorrow.”

This small story teaches something big that mother’s calm gives birth to clarity of thinking. Overthinking only enlarges the shadow of a problem that doesn’t necessarily exist. Meanwhile, a calm attitude creates a space for dialogue, where children feel safe to ask questions and learn. A quiet house doesn’t mean without sound. It can be full of laughter, full of conversation, and occasionally filled with tears. But in it there is always a balance between words and feelings, between anger and forgiveness, between firm and gentle.

A mother who is able to maintain her peace of mind is actually building a fortress of love for the entire family. Because, from the mother’s tenderness, children learn to manage emotions; from his wisdom, children learn to solve problems; and from his calm, children learn to be winners not in the sense of defeating others, but in mastering themselves.

In the end, home tranquility is not the result of luxury or perfection, but rather from a patient heart, gentle language, and ongoing love. Because, like flowing water, calm always starts from the source—and in the household, that source is the mother.

Also Read: 15 Roles of Muslim Women in Building a Sakinah Family

Author: Hari Prasetia (S2 UNHASY Tebuireng Alumni)

Editor: Muh. Sutan